Is Fear Holding You Prisoner?
Robbing you of calmness?
It is impossible to be calm and fearful at the same time.
Impossible.
Most people walk around with so much fear inside, it’s a wonder they function at all. The scary thing is, that more often than not, these underlying fears are out of awareness. They lurk and play at the subconscious level.
Yet, fear grips us to the point of nearly destroying lives.
Have you ever woken up at night in a cold sweat? I have. It's even scarier when you don't even know why.
Stress and anxiety is running rampant. And I'm not just talking about high functioning adults. I'm talking about kids and teens. Sad to say.
So many people perform mental gymnastics to avoid the one thing they should be doing: facing and conquering their fear.
No, it's safer and more comforting to not feel fear, anxiety or worry. It's much easier to procrastinate, feel bad about yourself, multi task, avoid confrontation, worry about making mistakes, not take care of yourself, eat like crap than it is to deal with this fear monster which may have started small and now looms like a giant in your mind.
The problem is, you may be avoiding all this, but you pay a price. You don't have peace of mind or a sense that everything will just be OK.
You don't walk through your day with an inner sense of calm.
Think of fear as the driver
Its passengers come and go but can be many. Regular passengers include anxiety, stress, procrastination, broken focus, indecision and low self-esteem. Talk about a full car!
Fear is at the core of so many emotional, physical, and behavioral results that we could probably fill page after page of legal pad.
How's this for a short list:
*Fear of Failure
*Fear of Success
*Fear of Taking Risks
*Fear of Public Speaking
That covers a lot of territory, doesn't it?
Have you ever wanted to just run from a meeting? I mean, literally just get up and run out of the room? Or, have you ever wanted to run BEFORE even getting into the building?
Fear is a Destroyer!
It destroys dreams.
It destroys success.
It destroys your sense of calmness.
As long as you are being held prisoner by fear, you will not live the life you want. There is no way around it. My apologies if this sounds harsh, but I want to speak the truth here.
I see too many of my patients and clients stopped in their tracks by fear. Sometimes they come right out and say it, but that is rare. More often fear is disguised or manifested as anxiety or stress or procrastination or lack of motivation or indecision.
You may be wondering, "who is this guy to talk?" Good question.
On the professional level I am a psychologist, author, and life coach. I have been working with people for nearly 25 years from all walks of life in all kinds of settings. I've worked in clinics, hospitals, and private offices. I've consulted to schools and universities. I've trained at some of the best facilities in the country.
On the personal level, even psychologists are not immune to fear. It would be nice, but we are human.
I quite my safe and secure job 8 years ago to walk into the unknown. To face my fears head on. I moved across the country to open a private psychology practice with virtually no contacts or connections. I was a nobody coming to town.
You can bet I did not have a sense of inner calm. Just the opposite.
Here's the good part (just kidding). My old job had me totally stressed out. I felt stress, worry, and anxiety everyday. It got so back I started getting headaches that were so bad I needed a CT scan. That's pretty bad if you ask me.
The Consequences of Fear
Fear affects us on 5 levels:
*Subconscious
*Conscious
*Emotional
*Physical
*Behavioral
By the way, this is true for just about everything, but today we are dealing with fear.
At the subconscious level, fear runs your life out of your awareness.
At the conscious level, you may have this running script that says something like: "I might screw up" or "What if I am wrong" or as is the case frequently "I am not good enough."
At the emotional level, you experience anxiety, stress, and fear.
At the physical level, you could have all kinds of symptoms including headaches, sweating, increased heart rate, sweating hands, nervous stomach and the list goes on.
At the behavioral level, you experience and practice procrastination, indecision, broken focus, multi-tasking, avoiding confrontation, distracting yourself with sports, TV, video games.
Do you see how fear can hold you prisoner at many levels?
Fear, unfortunately is universal. It affects people all across the planet. At the largest level, it causes war (if you think about it). It causes misunderstandings between countries and people.
Fears holds people back. They play it safe. I did this for years. Its easy to stay in your comfort zone. Much harder to break the gravity that is holding you back from change.
Here's the good news
None of us is born with fear. It is a learned behavior. And anything that is learned can be unlearned.
Just think of fear as a habit. Like biting your fingernails. It's something you do without thinking, hence the subconscious part of it all.
To form a new habit usually takes 21 to 30 days of consistent action.
Fear habits are learned over a lifetime. It starts small and grows and grows.
What's on the other side of fear?
Freedom.
Calmness.
Peace of mind.
Why are we talking about fear?
It absolutely, positively destroys calmness. They are archenemies inside you. Until you figure out how to rid yourself of fear, you won't find that inner peace and calm you are looking for.
And when we talk about fear, we are talking about all its little friends including stress, anxiety, procrastination, poor time management, and split focus.
Is calmness that big a deal?
In a word-yes.
One secret of success in life is the ability to stay calm in any situation.
Don't you know that calm person in your life? Nothing seems to ruffle their feathers. Stuff happens and they just deal with it.
Calm people, in my opinion, are rare.
Most people are frantic in life. Living a frenzied existence wondering what the point is.
Calmness of mind is essential to your success. There is no way you can be productive and function at your best if your mind is racing and your focus is all over the place. Discipline of thought is an absolute requirement for you to succeed. Free your mind from distraction and you will be amazed at what you accomplish.
Calmness of body is a necessity these days. A strong, flexible body allows you to function in all areas of your life. Ever have back problems? I have. A chronic back problem will put you on the sidelines faster than you can blink.
We all know that mind and body is connected. A stressed out system plays havoc with your immune system and overall health. Psychological stress directly affects your body on multiple levels.
Calmness of spirit is connecting with the universe. Seeing the bigger picture. Stepping out of yourself for a moment allows you to prioritize your time and activities in a meaningful way.
I can't tell you how many people I come across in my psychology practice and in coaching that have no clue how to relax. Even when presented with the opportunity to do so, they still have no clue. They are too caught up in anxiety, stress and fear to relax.
It's hard to relax with electronics and technology everywhere. The more we have, in some ways, the worse it is for us.
Benefits of calm
- Freedom.
- Peace of mind.
- Control over your life.
- Increased focus and concentration.
- More time.
- Better productivity.
- Improved health and energy.
- Feeling happy and healthy.
- Confidence to take risks.
- Busting out of your comfort zone for true growth.
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