The Power of Calm

High or Low Fruit?

admin — Sat, 28 May 2011 07:15:00 +0000

I was on a class field trip the other day to the apple orchard.

Started out as a beautiful day with 25 eager students.

We rode 45 minutes on buses to get there.

The weather was supposed to be good, or so we thought.

We arrive and get our marching orders out to the fields.

Off we go.

We were allowed to use ladders to reach higher up on the trees.

The kids had a blast. Some had never been to an orchard before.

They were running around full of excitement.

This is what makes life beautiful.

Some of the more adventurous kids were using the ladder to get up higher.

Then, the rain clouds moved in.

Totally unexpected.

We were all caught off guard.

And these weren’t your fluffy looking clouds. These were mean looking clouds.

So, we told the kids to hurry up and they had 15 more minutes to fill their bags up with apples.

Now, here is where it got interesting.

I just sat back and watched.

Many students continued on the ladder grabbing the high hanging fruit.

Other students were moving fast. They were grabbing apples off the ground and on the lowest branches.

They were grabbing the low hanging fruit.

15 minutes were up and we got back on the trailer to head back to the main facility.

Guess who had more apples?

Right.

Those going after the low hanging fruit had more.

What’s the moral of the story?

Sometimes it is best to go after the easy stuff first. Grab the low hanging fruit. There is nothing wrong with that.

Too many people make the mistake of going after ONLY high hanging fruit and end up disappointed or feeling like a failure.

Start with the low hanging fruit to build confidence and success.

Then move to the high hanging fruit.

Second moral of the story?

Apple orchard donuts rock!

Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people get rid of fear, stress and anxiety to live a calm life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) and FREE 60 minute audio go to www.CrushFearNow.com

Anyone else have feelings about this?

Another great video

admin — Sat, 21 May 2011 07:00:36 +0000

“Life is like coffee”

This may get you to reset your priorities in life.

http://www.flickspire.com/m/SimpleTruths/LifeIsLikeCoffee

Let me know what you think.

Agree or disagree?

Great video on the power of words

admin — Sat, 14 May 2011 07:00:51 +0000

Under two minutes, but well worth it.

Enjoy this post? Leave a comment below and add to the discussion. Thanks!

Want a better way to set goals?

admin — Sat, 07 May 2011 07:35:38 +0000

OK, everybody has probably heard about setting S.M.A.R.T goals. The method has been around a long time by now. It stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely.

Boring.

Wait, I take that back.

It is a good system. It makes sense. It is logical. It is reasonable.

And maybe that is the problem.

Why?

Because few people actually follow the SMART system. Seems like everybody talks about it and recommends it.

But, few follow it.

Why?

One reason is put forth by Raymond Aaron in his new book “Double Your Income Doing What You Love.”

He says most goals are set in a binary fashion. Either you achieve the goal or you don’t. Either you succeed or you fail. End of story.

It works if you are achieving goals. Otherwise, you could feel like a failure.

Mr. Aaron has a better solution.

He says you should “MTO” your goals.

Lets go to the video for an example (just kidding).

Suppose I wanted to get to the gym on a regular basis.

My SMART goal would be something like this:
Specific: get the the gym
Measureable: actually being at the gym
Attainable: yes, I can make it to the gym
Realistic: 4 times per week
Timely: sometime this century

There you go. My binary goal of getting to the gym.

But, here’s the problem. Life gets in the way. Things come up. I don’t get to the gym 4 times this week and feel bad about myself.

Now, let’s MTO the same goal.

Minimum: get to the gym 3 times this week
Target: 4 times
Outrageous: 6 times this week

See, you are putting your goal on a continuum, rather than making it all or none.

The minimum is something you can pretty much achieve with little effort. The target is stretching yourself a bit. The outrageous is almost beyond belief. But, once you hit minimum, you might just go the next step. Who knows.

Psychologically, you give yourself some breathing room.

If you hit the gym 3 times, you can still feel good about yourself. If you go more, you will feel even better.

Are you just lowering expectations? No, I don’t think so. You are taking goals that were all or none and making them more attainable.

You can still use the SMART system if you want.

I think this is a better way to set goals.

I’ve been using it myself the past 4 months and am achieving more goals.

I suggest you try it for yourself and let me know your results.

Looking forward to your comments...

Are you afraid?

admin — Sat, 30 Apr 2011 07:00:59 +0000

Got any fears bumping around in your head?

Come on, be honest with yourself.

What pops in your head late at night or first thing in the morning?

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night with anxiety? What were you thinking about?

Be honest.

Everybody is confronted with potential threats. Potential things to be afraid of.

The successful people understand what is happening and have learned how to deal with fear.

Most people say that fear is part of life.

What they don’t add in is the way you handle the fear is also part of life.

Don’t know if you heard this before, so I thought I would put it here for your benefit.

Do you want to know what fear really is?

Do you want to know a secret to handling any fear that comes your way?

Here is what fear really stands for:

False Evidence Appearing Real.

Yep.

False evidence appearing real.

Think about that for a moment.

It appears real to us. We think it is real. We react accordingly.

But, is it really real?

Some fears are real. If I live in tornado alley and the tornado warning sirens are blasting off and the sky looks like it is from a Hollywood movie, that is a real fear.

It still matters how you deal with it.

Panic or handle it?

Most fears are false. They are things you think you are afraid of. They appear scary. They appear as threats.

But, they aren’t real.

For example, I used to fear public speaking.

Next time you feel afraid, step back and ask yourself this question: Is this real or false?

Either way, handle it.

So, what is your thought on this? Let me know!

Would you complain in Utopia?

admin — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 07:31:27 +0000

Don’t you hate it when all people do is moan and complain?

Doesn’t that bring you down?

Are you one of them?

I know some colleagues and friends who seem to make a life long habit of complaining regardless of how well their life is going. I had a great supervisor during training that called this type of person a “pisser and moaner.”

Pisser and moaners will complain about anything. If it is hot, it’s too hot. If it’s cold, it’s too cold. If it hasn’t rained, then we need rain. If it’s raining then we are getting too much rain. There never is enough money, no matter what.

I suppose you could interpret this newsletter as me complaining about people complaining. Oh well. I suppose you are right.

But, I write to make a point.

Suppose, just suppose for a second these people could have the perfect job. I would bet you all the money in my Swiss bank account that they would still complain. “My boss is too nice” or “I get too much vacation time” or “the food is too good in the cafeteria” or “I’m not working hard enough.”

These people identify with complaining, its part of who they are. It’s not external. It’s internal. If I took a person who complains and transported them to a new environment, they would still complain.

Even if a complainer was placed in utopia my bet is they would still complain. “It’s too nice here” or maybe even they’d complain, “there is nothing to complain about.”

The point is it takes too much energy to be pissing and moaning all day long or for even part of a day. For every minute you spend complaining, it’s a minute you aren’t being productive or working toward your goals.

By default, I am this way. I used to complain about everything.

I am different now.

New and improved.

Do I occasionally complain about something? Yes. But the moment I realize it, I stop and give gratitude.

That is my recommendation for you. Give gratitude instead of complain.

It puts you into a totally different mindset.

Gratitude trumps complaining seven days a week.

Did I leave anything out?

Comparison Kills

admin — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 13:29:13 +0000

Two clients this week wanted coaching around the same issue.

Usually this issue pops up more during the week, so it was a light week.

The issue: comparison.

These clients, like most people I coach, are constantly comparing themselves to others.

Not occasionally, but constantly.

They measure themselves against their neighbor or coworker or friend or family member or relative.

Doesn’t really matter who…the fact is they compare themselves to others.

So much time and energy devoted to a useless endeavor.

Two observations, then a suggestion.

First, in these comparisons, my clients usually fall short. They don’t typically compare and come out feeling on top of the situation. They usually feel like they somehow are losing the battle.

Second, the comparisons are unfair. The comparisons are about perception, not reality.

So, my clients are comparing themselves to their own perception of somebody else. Separate from reality. They aren’t comparing themselves to the true person.

Really, this isn’t about reality at all.

This is all about perceptions.

Constantly comparing yourself to others is a surefire way to feel crappy about yourself.

How do I know?

I do it too.

Less than I used to, but still this comparison monster creeps up and I just do it.

As soon as I realize what I am doing it, I just stop it. I say to myself (in my head) “knock it off.”

And that is my suggestion to you. When you realize what you are doing, knock it off.

Made any comparisons today?

What about you? What do you think?

Do you suffer from split focus?

admin — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 07:00:11 +0000

Lately, it seems every coaching client is challenged with the same issue.

An issue I have struggled off and on with.

An issue affecting the general population.

Seems more and more kids are affected by this on a daily basis.

What am I talking about?

Focus.

The ability to stay on task.

The ability to stay on task until you complete that task.

I can’t even count the number of patients I see in my office that are unable to focus.

How can you be successful at anything if you can’t focus?

I sure don’t want my taxicab driver unable to focus. I’d like him to pay attention to the road.

Already this week, my last three coaching clients all complained of this same problem.

Split focus.

They are like rabbits with their attention.

Diverted to whatever strikes their fancy.

Diverted to whatever new shiny object comes into view.

This would be wonderful, if you had nothing to accomplish during the day. If all you had to do were eat and play, life would be grand.

But, for most of us, that is not reality.

We have to work. We have obligations around the house.

In my coaching practice, split focus is the number one reason people fail. It is the number one reason they are frustrated, aggravated, stressed out and disappointed in themselves.

Think about that. If you don’t focus on one thing for a stretch of time, you will not succeed.

All the successful people I know have the ability to focus when they need to. They can zero in on a task and, this is most important, exclude everything else.

The only way to improve this skill is to practice it.

Get rid of distractions.

Set a timer for 20 minutes.

Focus on nothing but the task at hand. No matter what.

You have to strengthen this skill to succeed.

Build it up like a muscle.

I venture to say that nobody succeeds unless they have the ability to focus. At least nobody I have come across.

I’m glad that you focused on this newsletter. Now, what are you going to focus on next?

So, what is your thought on this? Let me know!

Stop Procrastinating: animals don’t

admin — Sat, 26 Mar 2011 12:43:53 +0000

Animals don’t procrastinate.

As far as we know.

Take a dog, for example.

They sleep a lot. But they don’t have much to get done each day: eating, sleeping, playing and pooping. That’s about it.

Again, as far as we know, animals don’t procrastinate.

When they have to poop, they let their owners know (at least the well trained ones). They don’t put it off.

They don’t necessarily put off playing. They play when others play with them.

Do you know of any animal or other creature that procrastinates?

Birds? Bees? Lions, tigers or bears?

Name one.

I sure can’t. Until we are able to get inside their heads, we will never know for sure.

As far as I can tell, humans are the only species that procrastinates.

We aren’t born this way. As infants, we didn’t procrastinate. When an infant is hungry, they cry. They don’t put it off until later.

Somehow, as we grew older, we learned to put off stuff. We watched others do it so we adopted this behavior for ourselves.

I used to procrastinate a ton. I am much better now.

I set better boundaries, so I don’t take on as many projects as I used to.

I work more efficiently and effectively.

I am more productive.

Still, I procrastinate here and there.

Maybe it is part of human nature.

Some experts say that the underlying cause of procrastination is indecision.

Can’t decide on something? Then put it off.

I think we avoid unpleasant tasks too.

Most of us don’t procrastinate on things or events we want to do.

I doubt you would procrastinate on picking up your 5 million dollar check if you just won the lottery. You would run over to the state lottery office in a heartbeat.

Because it is something you want.

Perhaps the best way to view procrastination is as an indicator of something you are not fired up for. You could be avoiding the work, or avoiding a decision.

When it crops up, maybe the best thing you can wonder is “why?”

Is there anything you are procrastinating on right now?

I’d love to hear about it.

Leave me a comment below to share your thoughts with me.

Reading Books: how many times do you read a book?

admin — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 14:04:53 +0000

I have been reading Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. Not sure how many times I’ve read it, but each time I do, it is like a new book for me.

When I read it, I am a different person from the time before. So I pick up on ideas that previously didn’t register with me. It’s like reading a brand new book each time.

Do you have that same experience?

I recommend that you read books more than once.

I used to read a book and put it on my shelf. In my mind I was finished with it. Somehow, I felt I had conquered that book or something.

The truth is, I was far from it.

Reading fiction for pleasure is fine and dandy. I do it all the time.

Reading for self-improvement and growth is a whole different ballgame.

You want to do less reading and more absorbing. You want to implement ideas into your life. You want to change and grow.

One of my mentors, Bob Proctor, has been reading the same books for decades. He sometimes reads one sentence in the morning and thinks about it all day. He tries to implement it for that day or week.

I used to be in the book accumulation phase. I would get as many as I could and somehow that would be a sign of accomplishment.

Better to have only 6 books on your shelf that truly move you forward. Books that you have read and absorbed. Books that you are applying to your life.

If any book doesn’t fit the bill-give it away. Somebody else is ready for it.

Another mentor of mine, Mike Litman, always talks about making room for what is coming next. You must give away what you have to make room for the next level of information coming your way.

Give away the books you aren’t “using” and make room for those that will make a difference in your life.

So, go to your bookcase and count your books. How many do you have? How many have you read more than once?

Please comment below and let me know... I would really appreciate it.